we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
