I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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