tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
