I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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