How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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