maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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