i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
