Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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