And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
