youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
