Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
