I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
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Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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