I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
