id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
