better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
