Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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