I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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