Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
