found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
