I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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