I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
