y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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