I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
