Barsexuality is the new black.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
