You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
