i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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