Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
