everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
MIDGETS
????
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
