When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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