first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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