Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
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Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The ass gains better be worth it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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