I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
