is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
