this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
