bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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