how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
