My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
