drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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