Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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