Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
