My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
