Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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