No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
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As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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