I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
