Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
