turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
