I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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