i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
