we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
