Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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