it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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