Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
