Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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