Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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