How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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