so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
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The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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