Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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