Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
