I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
