So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
