Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
