He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
