it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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