saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
