I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
