I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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