If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
