He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
