Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We need to get me chipped asap
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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