do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
