I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
