my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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