I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
