Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
